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Listening to: From the Choirgirl Hotel. Not for long, though... it's not really matching my mood quite like I was expecting it too.

Currently Reading: Just barely started Jonathan Lethem's Gun, With Occasional Music. Kind of saving it for the train, as well as a stack of others (both fiction and non). Also, I recently read Laurie Notaro's I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl (again) in like two days, and peed myself laughing. Highly recommended. I also devoured The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel in, like, a mere few days. Laughed until I peed. Also highly recommended.

Wishing: income. Lots of it. Other than that, life's pretty good.

I couldn't be more The current mood of ronkc@diaryland.com at www.imood.com right now.

Buy "Civilised Conversation..." Merchandise! Please? All the cool kids are doing it....

Please help me pay for college by purchasing items from Amazon.com through this link!!

Do you love me?

15 November 2001 | 12:01 AM

Can't put my finger on it...

Okay.

So at Chapel choir rehearsal tomorrow, we will have to go around the circle, say our name and say how we are doing.

While I realize that I have had a sleeping pill (aka, the "truth tablet"), I'm running through this ahead of time in my head.

Hi, I'm Chris. I'm a sophomore Sociology major, and I sing bass... Um... I'm not doing really well at all, I'm having those inexplicable mid-quarter motivational drains, I don't think I have ever been so academically challenged, I'm worried about my college-student sized bank account and my upper middle management spending patterns... I'm worried about my mother and her soon to be exhusband... I'm worried about how much my grandmother worries about all of this, and I wonder why I'm not doing as well as anyone else around me seems to be doing. Is there something that I just didn't get? Did I miss a memo? I don't understand what's going on.

The plan at this point is to get up early enough to make Morning Mass. Then, I want to grab a bite at the Cafe. I'll come back and pack up some laundry to be sent out. I'll have my phone appointment with psychiatrist number one (the non-local MD). I'll go to the Mass of Hope rehearsal, then the Mass. Then I'll register for classes, grab a snack, pay for our bingo tickets, come back here and catch up on homework, housework, and any other work I can find. I'll do the President's Club Thanksgiving Mass. I'll grab another bite, and start my weekend of toil and labour, which will be necessary to get where I feel I should be.

Notice that nowhere, in Thursday's plan is "I'll go to Theology class." I emailed him my assignment, a rough draft of a paper. It was pretty raw, but I've talked to him about what's going on at home, and he seems to be pretty understanding. He's a priest, so I asked for the favor of his prayers, which he said would be no problem. It seems to me as though I don't have a lot of that to be worried about.

I just don't know. It's really frustrating to have to live like this. And I can't even put my finger on anything in particular that would fix whatever problem I can't seem to define... Maybe one of my psychiatrists will help me out on this one....

Real therapy is on Friday. I can't wait. I really can't.

Buh.

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