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Listening to: From the Choirgirl Hotel. Not for long, though... it's not really matching my mood quite like I was expecting it too.

Currently Reading: Just barely started Jonathan Lethem's Gun, With Occasional Music. Kind of saving it for the train, as well as a stack of others (both fiction and non). Also, I recently read Laurie Notaro's I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl (again) in like two days, and peed myself laughing. Highly recommended. I also devoured The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel in, like, a mere few days. Laughed until I peed. Also highly recommended.

Wishing: income. Lots of it. Other than that, life's pretty good.

I couldn't be more The current mood of ronkc@diaryland.com at www.imood.com right now.

Buy "Civilised Conversation..." Merchandise! Please? All the cool kids are doing it....

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Do you love me?

03 December 2001 | 12:05 PM

Mother...

Okay.

Here's the email from my mother:

i've probably already talked to you, because i think i'll call this morning before church.

i wanted to elaborate on what we talked about last night.

we haven't made any firm plans or reserverattions or anything about hawaii. i don't even know where (which island) we would go to. [your stepfather] thought going to hawaii would be a good break and that maybe you would feel more comfortable if we all went somewhere besides home. he thought that if we got a "condo vacation package", you could just fly in and meet us there. you don't have to stay a long time, but after your retreat, you might feel like a little sunshine ... totally laid back. so that's what that's all about.

he and i talked a lot about christmas and i told him that whatever/whereever, i wanted to spend christmas with you. he knows that. i know you don't want to hear it, but he talks a lot about being a complete "ass and knothead" last year. he doesn't know what else to do after apologizing. i understand if you don't want to accept that. that's your perogative (sp?) and you are an adult (well, almost - in my mind only).

so bottom line ... i told him you didn't want to come home and why. he brought up about going to hawaii. we talked about it. he wanted me to call and ask you to join us. he thought you might be more comfortable and enjoy the trip. he knows that i want to be with you for christmas, whatever that takes.

you've never really come out and said you weren't coming (to me, anyway) and you've done a very good job of hinting at it. i got the message loud and clear, but thought that you might not have made your mind up completely. obviously i was wrong.

could you please let me know (however is easier for you - phone or e-mail) what's going on ... what you want to do ... what you want me to do ... if you could have it completely the way you want to spend the holiday.

i love you, i miss you, i want to be with you for christmas, whatever that takes. you tell me. i also want you to tell me if you DON'T want to spend christmas with me. i would rather have you be honest, than to try and spare my feelings.

i love you again,

mom

I haven't responded yet. So this is what I get in my inbox when I'm able to access it:

we're at rita and danny's having dinner ...

i just checked my e-mail and didn't get anything from you.

i'll check later.

i really want to hear from you.

i love you; i miss you; you are the most important person in my life.

i know you are a grown up now ... but noone ever told me that it would happen. that makes me happy for you, but sad for myself.

your mommy

Okay. I guess I should write her back. Wish me luck.

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