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Listening to: From the Choirgirl Hotel. Not for long, though... it's not really matching my mood quite like I was expecting it too.

Currently Reading: Just barely started Jonathan Lethem's Gun, With Occasional Music. Kind of saving it for the train, as well as a stack of others (both fiction and non). Also, I recently read Laurie Notaro's I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl (again) in like two days, and peed myself laughing. Highly recommended. I also devoured The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel in, like, a mere few days. Laughed until I peed. Also highly recommended.

Wishing: income. Lots of it. Other than that, life's pretty good.

I couldn't be more The current mood of ronkc@diaryland.com at www.imood.com right now.

Buy "Civilised Conversation..." Merchandise! Please? All the cool kids are doing it....

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Do you love me?

10 November 2002 | 4:09 AM

Most Pathetic Experience of my Life.

Okay.

I know I'm supposed to be doing a several-part series on the subject of peace. I needed, however, to share with you quite possibly the most pathetic experience of my entire life, which, would you have guessed, happened this very evening (early morning, whatever).

So, I'm downstairs, staring into a snack vending machine. I noticed Bugles, which I promptly purchased. I noticed some yummy flavoured potato chips, which I also promptly purchased. I went to retrieve both of my purchases from the theft-proof bin, when I noticed that my potato chips were propped up just so on top of the hinges of the theft-proof bin. I got my Bugles okay, though... it was just those pesky potato chips.

Trying not to look suspicious, I casually slammed the metal flap on the bin back and forth, very forcefully (but casually, mind,) in hopes that it would fall out. Did it?

Yeah, no. It didn't.

There was only so much slamming I could do. I was concerned as to what my fate would be if someone were to happen upon me, on my knees in front of this snack vending machine, slamming and pounding away. In a sudden surge of self-consciousness, I got up and quickly walked to the front desk, where three Campus Public Safety officers (one real one, two students) were talking. I explained my embarassment and the situation, and one student officer offered to come and help me.

It was his turn to slam around for a while. He must have been doing it substantially harder than was I, because the real officer, via radio from across the building, said something to the extent of, "Careful there. Don't do too much dammage..."

To which he offered, "They shifted a little..."

She (the real officer) came over to check the progress of the ordeal. She had a solution of her own, which would satisfy everyone present. She decided to purchase some snacks of her own (as she was working until 2:00 PM on Sunday, and would need some sort of sustinance). Her choice was Jelly Beans. The reason for this choice was that the beans of jelly were located on that particular side of the machine, and seemed more solid as a package than the peanut M & M's (our first consideration).

After reaching this consensus, we freed both her Jelly Beans and my potato chips from their metal-and-glass cage.

And then I thought, "How lame am I for needing potato chips so desperately that I would request authority help in getting them out of the machine?" The answer of course, comes back a resounding, "SUPER LAME!!"

Friends, it is truly a sad day in the evolutionary spiral of humanity.

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