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Listening to: From the Choirgirl Hotel. Not for long, though... it's not really matching my mood quite like I was expecting it too.

Currently Reading: Just barely started Jonathan Lethem's Gun, With Occasional Music. Kind of saving it for the train, as well as a stack of others (both fiction and non). Also, I recently read Laurie Notaro's I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl (again) in like two days, and peed myself laughing. Highly recommended. I also devoured The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel in, like, a mere few days. Laughed until I peed. Also highly recommended.

Wishing: income. Lots of it. Other than that, life's pretty good.

I couldn't be more The current mood of ronkc@diaryland.com at www.imood.com right now.

Buy "Civilised Conversation..." Merchandise! Please? All the cool kids are doing it....

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Do you love me?

29 July 2003 | 9:04 PM

Yeah, That Would Be Cool.

Okay.

A terribly smart, funny, attractive young man named Derek pointed out that my past few entries seem to be leaving my readers, well, wanting to poke their own eyes out so that they will never have to read my entries ever again.

In a lame attempt at redemption (after all, he is smart, funny, attractive), I offered him this story, and I thought, why not share it with the world? Maybe it will make up for the past few days.

We (a friend and I) were at this sex shop the other day buying flavored condoms for a friend of ours who gave head for her first time. After picking out our purchases, we wandered around the store for a few minutes. We approached the wall o' dildoes with awe at the variety.

"Wow!" I exclaimed, picking up a footlong wiener, "THIS one has a SUCTION CUP on the back!"

I reared back and slammed it against the wall with exuberant force. Everyone in the vacinity laughed. I was also somewhat amused, but I gotta tell ya, I've had funnier moments.

Anyway, after a little while, it was time for the dildo to come off the wall. I gave it a little tug, not being able to dislodge it. I tried a little harder, but still nothing. I tried full-on pulling, with TWO HANDS! Nothing. Putting my weight into it, it ripped of the wall with a resounding POP (and I wouldn't be at all surprised if I left a wall-hickey), and I flew backwards, not having expected such force, hitting myself in the forehead with the massive member, and falling onto a table of vibrators and penile pumps. Oh, what a day.

I seem to be healing nicely, though, and I'm left with a funny story (in my opinion). It would have been even cooler if the big rubber cock had left a scar across my brow or something, and I could, one day when I'm much, much older, be sitting in a smokey bar with a cigarette barely dangling off my lip, "Yeh see this, kid? You wanna know how I GOT this scar? DO YEH?"

Yeah, that would be cool.

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