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Listening to: From the Choirgirl Hotel. Not for long, though... it's not really matching my mood quite like I was expecting it too.

Currently Reading: Just barely started Jonathan Lethem's Gun, With Occasional Music. Kind of saving it for the train, as well as a stack of others (both fiction and non). Also, I recently read Laurie Notaro's I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl (again) in like two days, and peed myself laughing. Highly recommended. I also devoured The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel in, like, a mere few days. Laughed until I peed. Also highly recommended.

Wishing: income. Lots of it. Other than that, life's pretty good.

I couldn't be more The current mood of ronkc@diaryland.com at www.imood.com right now.

Buy "Civilised Conversation..." Merchandise! Please? All the cool kids are doing it....

Please help me pay for college by purchasing items from Amazon.com through this link!!

Do you love me?

26 July 2003 | 12:50 AM

Too much.

Okay.

First, please notice the time. Then review the last entry. Then notice the time on this one again. Just so you know what sort of timeline we're talking about.

My lead co-worker spoke with the Direct Supervisor and reported that I was not in trouble or losing my job or anything like that. However, he offered this advice when it comes to different situations: when in doubt, be all professional and stuff. And don't be... you know... yourself.

Ah.

Ah-huh.

Keep in mind that I work and live with the co-workers (most of the people on the list from the last entry...)

And since I wasn't in doubt when I sent off the original email, it's clear that I'm not safe being myself at all. So I've decided that it's a bad idea for me to, well, do anything for the rest of the summer.

I'm kind of tired of living here. I thought I would never want to leave, but it's like I don't feel welcome living in this building anymore. I've been here for three years, and have had really good times and really bad times here, and it feels like home. Or at least it did. Now it sort of feels like a place to sleep for a little while. If only I were sleeping at all-- I should be so lucky.

So I start looking for apartments online. They're all either not in a neighbourhood I'm familiar with, or too small, or too expensive. Apartments have always made me think of instability. I imagine myself not making the rent, or getting evicted, or getting old and not being able to afford to live there anymore. And it terrifies me.

I don't want a house, though, either...too big, I think, and too expensive, and I would feel lonely.

So a condo, I decide. Condos, however, are also difficult to find. There are some, but again, expensive. More money than I've ever seen in my entire life. Could I get a first-time-buyer special loan? Do I have that good of credit? I know that the fam can't help me out here, really.

What am I going to do after school, even? Will I be able to make any money to afford such things? If I can't find a place to live, will I have to go back home?

This is all too much, and I can't answer any of these questions.

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Oh, Whoops. - 10:34 PM , 02 September 2005

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A - Z - 4:37 AM , 26 March 2005

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Just Let Her Go. - 12:12 AM , 20 March 2005

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