Rings|Clix|G-book|Profile|Recommend

Listening to: From the Choirgirl Hotel. Not for long, though... it's not really matching my mood quite like I was expecting it too.

Currently Reading: Just barely started Jonathan Lethem's Gun, With Occasional Music. Kind of saving it for the train, as well as a stack of others (both fiction and non). Also, I recently read Laurie Notaro's I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl (again) in like two days, and peed myself laughing. Highly recommended. I also devoured The Broke Diaries by Angela Nissel in, like, a mere few days. Laughed until I peed. Also highly recommended.

Wishing: income. Lots of it. Other than that, life's pretty good.

I couldn't be more The current mood of ronkc@diaryland.com at www.imood.com right now.

Buy "Civilised Conversation..." Merchandise! Please? All the cool kids are doing it....

Please help me pay for college by purchasing items from Amazon.com through this link!!

Do you love me?

15 November 2004 | 5:26 AM

Lost and Found: Reason For Living? Anyone? Beuller?

Okay.

Unemployed, and totally broke. Just found out that not only is Jon, a high school class mate, famous, but aparently so is this other kid-- this girl I had a crush on in middle school (who were we kidding). She's still stupid, skanky and ugly, it seems. Then there's this other girl (I'm not linking her here-- fuck her.) who graduated a year after us, who has designed a purse with little loops and hooks and stuff so you can carry around all your knitting shit. I mean, Jesus Christ. I can't help this feeling like I haven't totally done better than all of my high school classmates by now. Seriously, if the reunion were tomorrow, I would have to die. Because here are people who are nationally recognized, who were never too brilliant in high school, and usually not particularly sweet (unless they were overly so, which, I mean, barf), and all of that bee ess, and then there's me: smart (I like to think), dedicated, passionate, all of that... I've grown SO MUCH since high school, but no matter what, everyone else will forevermore think of me as the creepy fag. And I KNOW DEEP DOWN that they don't really matter, as a people... that I hated the collective "them" then, and that I'll continue to, and that their approval isn't relevant to my personhood, but somehow it has become JUST THAT-- the measure of who I am. Why? Gross.

In OTHER exciting news, still no job, still no academic program, still no redeming qualities or reason for living. Still fat, ugly (more on this later), poor, single, and all of that crap.

Here's how I know I'm ugly. What are the two things that keep me from attracting any kind of potential romantic partner (as if I were to buy into any of that, but for argument's sake, let's just go with it)? The two reasons are (a) fat, and (b) ugly. So, a friend told me about this website where people look for fat people to date. Which, I mean, puke, right? But, hey- it may be worth a little play, right? So I go, and I find this guy's personal, and I'm like, "Okay. I'll wake up next to you, hung over and descheveled..." So we email back and forth, and he asks for a picture, and I send it to him.... and never hear from him again. So, we can eliminate "fat," because that's what the guy is after (gross). So, it must be ugly. Scientific proof, my friends, that somewhere along the line, I have been hit in the face with a hot sack of nickels.

While I'm bitching, I think it's worth mentioning that I'm nauseous, too.

The apartment's a mess, the bills are piling up, the pills are disappearing. So is the money. And just when I can barely afford to buy both ground beef and Hamburger Helper�, my 10-inch skillet doesn't have a lid. So I have to drain my beef by hand (that doesn't sound quite right, does it? Forget it) and then cover using some aluminium foil.

All this while Jon is doing photo shoots and Emily is barfing up whatever cheerleaders "eat." And Jordana keeps getting checks from her goddamn knitting purses.

GodDAMN my life sucks right now. Someone go get Uncle Chris a drink.

��������������������������������������������������

Oh, Whoops. - 10:34 PM , 02 September 2005

In Like Hula-Hoops. - 11:28 PM , 12 April 2005

A - Z - 4:37 AM , 26 March 2005

w00t - 12:15 AM , 25 March 2005

Just Let Her Go. - 12:12 AM , 20 March 2005

��������������������������������������������������


�2001 Design by CC | Words by ronkc